My first Amendment

I started my blog last month, because I just wanted an outlet. I have always wrote in a journal pretty much since I can remember, but I had gotten to the point where it just was not helping anymore to put it on paper and shut the book. Then I started thinking, if I wrote a blog, at least I would know that there is SOMEONE that is reading it, even if there are no comments. I know that there is at least one person out there reading this stuff. I may sound like I am complaining, or whining or whatever, but this is my therapeutic way of getting things off my chest. Some things are about others, some are just about what is going on in my life. It is all truth though and I think that is what is so great about it. I don’t have to lie, I can tell the truth without leaving out any of the rough details. Nobody’s life is perfect! There is nobody out there that has not had some sort of heartache one time or another. Everyone needs an outlet and this is mine. Since I started, I have been able to let a lot of things out and my head has actually cleared a lot of clutter. I have gotten things off my chest and I have finally been able to deal with more important things in my life, like my family and things that make them happy.

I have gone around my whole life doing as I was told by my parents and doing everything I could to make them happy, whether or not it made me happy. I was always the “good daughter”, so to speak and for the first time, I have realized, I am a grown woman now; and I am not here to please anymore. What a relief! I got married over 5 years ago and I am now realizing that? I had my own son over 4 years ago and I am now realizing that. WOW! My poor family! I have not been 100% here for them in a long time and I realize this now. I have been too depressed, or too sad, or angry to do anything with my son. I just blow it off on my husband and that is not fair.

I am going to be 30 years old next month and I am turning over a new leaf! I have wasted too much time trying to DO for everyone else’s happiness. It is my turn now! I am going to be the mother and wife I know I can and should be. No more of this walking on eggshells to please those who don’t support me, but belittle me. No more crying over it! No more! I am done with that aspect of my life and starting fresh!

I am a smart, woman who is very much loved and cared for.
I am me.
Like it or leave it that is all.
I am not perfect to you, but just enough for me.
I am not beautiful, but I make him happy.
I am me.
Love me or hate me, that is all.
Thank you for Reading..

Peace N love!