Part 1 ANGER

If you haven’t noticed yet, my blogs are mostly angry or depressing. I rarely do one that is funny or entertaining. I save that for my notebook that I will use down the road when I finally get the gall up to stand up in front of an audience at an open mic night or something. As I have said before, you don’t go to therapy because you’re happy though do you? NOPE and this is my couch to lie on for free, here we go again!! Let me just get the anger out of the way first: I read another chapter in the book I have been reading on and off for the past 3 years or so (that’s just sad) on making decisions for yourself. I CAN make decisions. Not that I don’t make decisions, I totally do, but they are usually decisions that include my family or our lives as a whole. I do however; have a really hard time making decisions for myself. I don’t know if that is just something that comes with being married or that I have lost a lot of my independence or what, but I just can’t seem to make my own decisions. But I am going to attempt one that is very hard for me, right here and right now. I am no longer going to be a doormat, punching bag or something for you to shit on. I will no longer put up with less than what I give out. I am full of love and I spread it around to people that should be holding on to it and passing it back to me, but I don’t seem to get it back, especially since I have grown up. I am done! I am done being screwed, put in the corner, ignored, laughed at and down right treated like dirt. I am not that person anymore. I am the new improved Heather! You will not take advantage of me, you WILL respect me. I give everyone chances, over and over again and for what? To get shit on again!? NOPE not anymore. Yes, this may be about one specific person, and I am sure that person can see this, but this is for all those that have screwed me or taken advantage of me in the past or currently are, back up! The girl who once had a very limber backbone is new and improved! I am stronger than ever and I guess I have you all to thank FOR ONCE. I don’t deserve the treatment I receive, I deserve so much better and I will get that! I WILL! So don’t come knocking, don’t think, she’ll come around, because I won’t, I have turned the corner of not giving a shit and I like it here. Keep digging your holes deeper and deeper, because I have put up my shovel for GOOD! I believe blood is thicker than water, but I have enemies that have given me more respect then some of my blood! Moving on.....