Thursday, February 9, 2012
I’m sure it’s common knowledge, but when you are unhappy in one aspect of your life, most everything else falls into the category of unhappiness. It sucks that it happens that way, but I have yet to find a way to control my border in between. I have read often that you should deal with one problem at a time instead of attacking it all at once. It’s like an addict trying to go to rehab and detox off of their drug and quit smoking at the same time. Take it slow, do one thing to change at a time. I know I always use drug rehab as a way of explaining myself, but I guess that is something I feel strongly about and know more than I would like to know about. I can also use the Aitkin’s diet as an example, during the induction stage you are supposed to STOP eating any carbs. That is the most sleepy, depressing, angry time of that entire diet.
You can totally put your body into shock no matter what it is you are trying to fix, change get off of. No matter what addiction you have, drugs, food, sex etc your body will not be happy with you at first at all. In fact your body will do everything it can to tell your brain that you NEED to give up on the whole quitting situation and go back to what is comfortable. The fact of the matter is, that would be the easiest way to deal with it, wouldn’t it?
I am struggling with certain “unhappy” things in my life and man would it be awesome if I could just give up and start from scratch. I think about it all the time. How easy it would be to just live and be happy with no negativity at all, right? The problem is that the minute I had my son, what I wanted took the backseat and that was something I had to get used to pretty quickly and I am totally fine with that, it is my mind that makes me crazy and tries to push me in the wrong direction. So I can’t just give up, I can’t just move on without him in mind, because every single decision I make has to have that child in mind or there could be consequences. The words selfish and mommy do not mesh well, unless you just don’t care for your kids in any way, and if that’s the case, then go for it, say goodbye to them because it will happen sooner or later.
I have never felt so weak in my life. I have always been a very strong person (at least I think so). I am always there to pick YOU up when you’re down, why does it seem so hard to pick myself up? Some mornings, I just don’t want to go on and have to drag myself out of the bed with the help of that strong little man I call my son. The beautiful thing about being a parent is that our children love us no matter what. They don’t see us in any light except the brightest and they deserve the same. My little guy doesn’t deserve the bitch that I am some nights. He deserves the crazy happy mommy that dances to silly music and chases him around the house.
So now that I am about out of words for now, all I can finish with is, things will have to change, or else… (feel free to read between the lines, just because I blog doesn't mean I will tell all).
Peace and Love.