Wednesday, November 13, 2013

He is all mine...

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” I am not about to start quoting the bible tonight, but a friend of mine said that quote to me today when we were talking about it being my anniversary today. I thought it was perfect for what we have. My husband and I have known each other for way longer than 10 years. We dated back when I was 17 and he was 21 (convenient right?) I was just entering into my party-animal stage and he was just starting a new job (that would end up being his career) which made him travel a lot. I was so immature and I did not understand yet that men were supposed to be nice and respect women; I was still in the “bad boy” stage of relationships. So, like most girls did when they were in those types of stages in life, I dumped him and moved on without a care. We stayed friends or well acquaintances for the next 4 or so years and that was that. Then one day I got a call from him asking me out to dinner and well, 10 years later here we are, married! I have been married to this man for 9 years today and I can honestly say that I don’t wish anything different. I may joke here and there, but I love him more and more each day. He has seen me at my worst and my best. He has seen me through countless surgeries, depression, sadness, grief, hatred, pregnancy, birth, more depression, unemployment and well I could sit here all night. He has never once even tried to disrespect me. He has never called me a bitch, even though he probably should have. He has never laid a hand on me, besides the usual smack on the butt every morning. He loves and respects me even when I know I am being hard to handle or put up with. I will be the first to admit that I am not the easiest person to handle or deal with sometimes and even after I broke his heart, he came back and tried one more time. He who doesn’t run for the hills when things get rough is a keeper. He, who takes every punch you throw out of grief and heartbreak without a second thought, is a treasure. He, who works his ass off day in and day out to make sure you and your son have everything that you need plus some, is a blessing. He who cares for your siblings like they are his own, even when he sees your heart broken from it, is amazingly good man. Yes I am being cheesy as hell right now (and some of you might just puke.), but I honestly suck at saying things like this to his face and that is how I know my love is real, because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I want to make sure he knows. He is awesome and well, He is mine! Happy Anniversary to the greatest gift I could have, the love of another for a lifetime. Peace and Love…

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

New Dawn New Day..

It has come to my attention that I have just not written in such a long time. I would say that I have been super busy, but that's a big fat lie. I have had a lot going on in my head and I think I have started about five blogs since the last one was published, but they just sit there in my folder labeled "blah" on my desktop. I am thinking about putting them all together and naming them "cluster.." uh yea big cluster of blogs. Then again, they usually never come out smoothly, I usually jump around anyway. So as I sit here waiting on my son and my little friend to wake up from nap time, I am thinking clearly. Perhaps it is time for me to start over? Start a new blog genre or mood if you will. After all it has been a year since my life has gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, so why not bring my blog to that spectrum. Here it goes... This week is a big week, in my mind. A lot is going on in our house. The biggest thing is that my little boy who is no longer little, starts 2nd grade TOMORROW! While I am admittedly happy that summer is over and we will go back to our separation of time during the day, I will miss the little guy. He has been very helpful to me with the babies that I watch and it showed me just how good of a little man he is growing up to be, which makes me so proud. This summer, I literally watched him grow up before my very eyes and while I am STILL home and income is tiny to say the least, that is the main reason I made that stupid decision to quit my job and be home. Yes I say stupid, because on the bill side MAN WHAT A DUMMY! But on the mommy side, I will never get back the time I missed while my little guy was in aftercare and learning bad habits from older kids. This summer is one I will not soon forget. He has grown at least a foot, got a new big man haircut, and just talks differently (and believe me I know, it starts when he wakes up and doesn't end until he goes to sleep!). He has matured and it shows just by the way he says things, for example "I wish I could have first grade back mommy, so I wouldn't have gotten so many reds (for those of you who do not know, red is a bad behavior comment)but at least I can start fresh in 2nd grade". I did not put those words in his mouth, he came up with that on his very own, which made me so happy. So far so good mom, you haven't screwed him up thus far! This week is also one whole year in our new home! Which I still cannot fathom. A year has passed and things seem to be going very smooth. I have made pretty good friends with a few neighbors and I actually started a community page on Facebook at a friends recommendation so that perhaps we could get to know some more neighbors and feel less awkward. Sadly, my son knows more neighbors then we do, but that was the point of moving to this subdivision in the first place. My husband, I HOPE, has finally finished scavenging for rocks to cover every inch of our yard with and hopefully is done digging random areas up in the backyard. He said last weekend that he thinks he is done, that remains to be seen and I will definitely let you know in a rant or two. So with that, I am happy that my fingers hit the keys this morning on a whim and I feel accomplished that I finally got some things out of my head to make room for more. I am hoping that this year will bring a different side of Heather. I have learned a lot in the last year, about myself and what I am capable of. Remember Money buys NOTHING! Except most things! (a little quote from a favorite movie) Peace and Love SHE'S BAAACKKKK!!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Defense, not just a sports term.

I have recently (over the past few months) realized that I am becoming very defensive these days. Now, this happens to everyone, however I am usually the one that calms down those playing defense. I am not sure why this is happening, but I have a little theory that I suppose I will share. Choices…. Recent choices that I have made, though are for the betterment of my son’s and my happiness and sanity, I believe they are becoming very stressful to my husband, (yea, I am going here again by all means stop reading). I was totally fine with it in the beginning and while I am continuously happy and comfortable I know my husband is not. Which makes me, in turn, strike back at him even when he is just asking a question. So let’s take for instance, a recent dialogue: Hubby: What do you think you will be making this month? Me: Ugh, here we go again! Probably the same as last month Jaime! (using his name usually signals I am being a bitch). Then we continue on with him just trying to calm me down, when really all he did was ask a question to know what our budget looks like. So yes, pretty much everything in my life lately has come down to money, which is what most working class people can say. My theory? Well my theory is that deep down, I know that I did not make the smartest FINANCIAL choice, I was thinking like a mother, and every time my husband honestly is just asking a question that has nothing to do with pointing fingers, I fly off the handle and flip out and in the end I am apologizing for my reaction (which is the least of my problems). The biggest problem is it is my fault that he is stressed. Even though, I am doing everything I can in every waking minute of my day to prove to him this was a good family choice all around and we just need to cut back on some things, in my mind, I screwed up royally. He has not in any way made me feel that way. I made promises that I have been struggling to keep. My son, on the other hand is the happiest kid in the world for the most part and I just wish that was enough. I guess I am just writing this to share my realization that even in the greatest of loving situations, it just takes one half of that couple to start a fight or an argument, but as soon as you realize there was no fight to begin with and you are just being defensive then perhaps that argument or misunderstanding can be kept at bay. That was my vent…. Peace and love….

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Never Just Another year

I have had this blog going over and over in my head trying to figure out the best way to do it, things go through my head and then I forget to write them down. So now that the day I was planning on blogging is here, I guess it is time to wing it from how I am feeling at this point in time. It is one thing to always have had someone in your life that understands you and loves you no matter what you have done. It really is one entirely other thing though, to have such a person in your life that you are related to by blood. She always knows when something is wrong. She makes sure I am ok even when she isn’t and though she may not show it like everyone else, she has a lot of love to give. She has always been that person in my life that even though we have gone long periods of time without seeing each other, we always know when the other is in need or hurting. She is three years older than me and I feel that I have always taken care of her emotionally and she has always protected me physically (don’t laugh). I would never mean this in a bad way; it is just the way things have always been between us. When I need her, she is there. She would drop EVERYTHING and come to my rescue and while that is not always the best way to handle things, I love her for that. The fact of the matter is, the older we get the more similarities I see in us. The thing you have to understand is we haven’t always been as close as we are now. It took us years to get to where we are now and the understanding that we have for each other. She would disappear for weeks at a time and I would ALWAYS find her. Even with distance between us, I know when something is wrong in her life. I have always had a crazy, weird, special place in my heart for her, perhaps because she and never had the relationships that I had with those around me or maybe because she kept me on my toes my whole life, who knows. Don’t get me wrong, we have had our knock our drag out fights, we have said terrible hateful things to each other and we have cried for hours over cheap wine. They have been few and far between, but we have ALWAYS recovered from it. She is terribly hard-headed, and set in her ways which makes a lot of things difficult for her. She is argumentative, defensive and sensitive, but that is her way and I love her for it every day. She is a good person, mother and sister. She is my big sister and today, on her birthday, I want to make her understand how much she is loved and cared about. I want her to stop being so hard on herself for everything and just move forward. Because she is a huge part of my world and always will be. She is a huge part of her husband and children’s world! She is beautiful and even though things don’t always go the way she wants or needs them to go, she is one strong woman that has been through more hardships than many. One day will be your day and I will be right there to congratulate you for it. You are a wonderful person no matter what you think. And I love you very much big sister! I love you Tara. Happy Happy Birthday!!