Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Never Just Another year

I have had this blog going over and over in my head trying to figure out the best way to do it, things go through my head and then I forget to write them down. So now that the day I was planning on blogging is here, I guess it is time to wing it from how I am feeling at this point in time. It is one thing to always have had someone in your life that understands you and loves you no matter what you have done. It really is one entirely other thing though, to have such a person in your life that you are related to by blood. She always knows when something is wrong. She makes sure I am ok even when she isn’t and though she may not show it like everyone else, she has a lot of love to give. She has always been that person in my life that even though we have gone long periods of time without seeing each other, we always know when the other is in need or hurting. She is three years older than me and I feel that I have always taken care of her emotionally and she has always protected me physically (don’t laugh). I would never mean this in a bad way; it is just the way things have always been between us. When I need her, she is there. She would drop EVERYTHING and come to my rescue and while that is not always the best way to handle things, I love her for that. The fact of the matter is, the older we get the more similarities I see in us. The thing you have to understand is we haven’t always been as close as we are now. It took us years to get to where we are now and the understanding that we have for each other. She would disappear for weeks at a time and I would ALWAYS find her. Even with distance between us, I know when something is wrong in her life. I have always had a crazy, weird, special place in my heart for her, perhaps because she and never had the relationships that I had with those around me or maybe because she kept me on my toes my whole life, who knows. Don’t get me wrong, we have had our knock our drag out fights, we have said terrible hateful things to each other and we have cried for hours over cheap wine. They have been few and far between, but we have ALWAYS recovered from it. She is terribly hard-headed, and set in her ways which makes a lot of things difficult for her. She is argumentative, defensive and sensitive, but that is her way and I love her for it every day. She is a good person, mother and sister. She is my big sister and today, on her birthday, I want to make her understand how much she is loved and cared about. I want her to stop being so hard on herself for everything and just move forward. Because she is a huge part of my world and always will be. She is a huge part of her husband and children’s world! She is beautiful and even though things don’t always go the way she wants or needs them to go, she is one strong woman that has been through more hardships than many. One day will be your day and I will be right there to congratulate you for it. You are a wonderful person no matter what you think. And I love you very much big sister! I love you Tara. Happy Happy Birthday!!