Thursday, January 2, 2014

Missing Person

Once again we have hit yet another year and all I see is everyone talking about their New Year’s resolution. New Year New Me or What are you doing differently with this fresh start? Too much pressure, if you ask me. I have said it before that I usually resolve to not resolve. I am not setting myself up to fail another year. So, I probably won’t tell you if I make a resolution, let alone what it is. However, last week, I read someone’s status on Facebook and thought it didn’t click at the time, I thought it sounded like something a lot of people should do, most importantly myself. Don’t get me wrong people, I know I’m overweight and not the healthiest person around, but for me, my happiness is my family, not by any means the way I physically look. Not that I think it is wrong, to each his own, it has just never been for me. With that, this year I am going on a quest (yes like Zelda) but more of a mental quest to find myself. I don’t mean my sexual or spiritual orientation, or my once thinner self (yea right), but me. The Heather that I used to love for the most part. The Heather that set out to make the world smile. The peace, love and happiness Heather. The brave Heather that doesn’t take crap from anyone, especially herself. The Heather that enjoyed writing almost on a daily basis, maybe even the Heather that wants to be a stand-up comedian, who knows. My point is, that it has been apparent to me over the past few months that she went missing. I thought I could just move forward and not look back, but it has not felt right. I don’t know when it happened or how, I just know I would like her back now. She was never afraid to cry when she got sad, or scream when she saw red, and above all, she never took anything too seriously. I just know it is terribly hard to put make-up on in the morning, when I just don’t like who I see looking back at me. So, with that, 2014 is going to be the year I find myself and never let her go again. I never thought it would be possible that I would lose myself, but sadly it did happen. I will spend the next year picking up my broken pieces and fixing things back to the way they should be, not the way that is comfortable or easy. PEACE N LOVE! Thanks for reading.