"Seize the day. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."

Depression is a serious medical illness; it is not something that you have made up in your head. (National Institute for Mental Health)

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair, the cause of which is frequently attributed to a mental disorder such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, alcoholism or drug abuse.  

 

 

I am not going to talk about judgment because then I sound all judgey myself and that is just not me. In light of the recent death of the greatest funny man every, there have been quite a few blog posts both negative and positive, so I figured I would follow suit since I finally felt creative and compelled. Mental health has always been something I have been concerned with, so much so that Psychology was my major in college and I have worked in the field off and on since graduating. With that being said, I am by no means an expert on the topic, this blog is merely my opinion as someone who has both watched others suffer and has suffered from depression, and well, I quote facts from experts. 

Let’s just agree on a few things first ; death of anyone, no matter what the cause, no matter what your belief, is horrifying and heartbreaking. The problem with the death of a famous person is that it gets blown by the media, so that their cover can be the first one read or their site can be the most clicked. No matter how they died, media has no respect or heart, no matter who you are.  

I have gotten sad before when other “stars” have passed, but I actually cried when I found out about Robin Williams. He has made us all laugh with every voice he spoke, every character he played and every animated joke he told on stage. He was on the top of my comedy idol list, for when I got the gall up to get on stage and “be like” someone. He did not judge, he did not call names, he wholeheartedly loved each and everyone and everything in this world. Did I know him personally? Of course not, but I didn’t need to, it showed in everything he did. He was not in the tabloids for being a wife-beater, or getting arrested and honestly, not many of us even knew he had three beautiful kids. He kept his personal life, just that, personal…. And THAT is how I know he was a good person. 

This man loved so much that he hid his pain so that we could smile for a moment. He hid his demons so that we could laugh our cares away even for just two hours of a movie. This man tried for years to fight his darkness until he just couldn’t anymore and it took him away. Yes suicide is an act of killing oneself, but if you know anything about mental health, there are days when you just can’t get yourself out of bed, there are days where you say things that hurt others feelings and you don’t even realize it. You spend a lot of your life apologizing for something that a lot of time you have no control over. The darkness gets so deep that it clouds your happy and brings out your sad. When alcohol and drugs no longer numb the pain, some people end up going to extreme, some people are not in their right minds and for this reason, our society needs to be more serious about mental illness. No matter what your belief is, there is someone close to you that is probably suffering from within and you’re sitting across from them laughing about it. We have ALL been made the comment “I just wanna die” or “im gonna kill myself”, do we mean it? 99% of us don’t but there is someone that hears that and deep down inside, really wants to end it all. 

Robin Williams held his pain deep inside for us, his fan family, his world. He wanted to see us smile, he wanted sick children to not worry about their illness just for a moment. He held it in for so long that it built up and he just couldn’t fight it back anymore.  

Sadly, depression IS a disease and it takes more people from us then we know. Depression knows no color, religion or financial status it just settles right in your brain.  

Suicide happens all the time and it is not always something that is out in the open, perhaps if we paid more attention to others, we could get a handle on things in this world. Chris Farley, Heath Ledger, overdosed on drugs, their way of numbing the pain went too far and took them away too (taking the life of oneself).  

Pay attention people.. It’s everywhere! Stop judging and start caring and loving!

 

Peace n Love

Missing Person

Once again we have hit yet another year and all I see is everyone talking about their New Year’s resolution. New Year New Me or What are you doing differently with this fresh start? Too much pressure, if you ask me. I have said it before that I usually resolve to not resolve. I am not setting myself up to fail another year. So, I probably won’t tell you if I make a resolution, let alone what it is. However, last week, I read someone’s status on Facebook and thought it didn’t click at the time, I thought it sounded like something a lot of people should do, most importantly myself. Don’t get me wrong people, I know I’m overweight and not the healthiest person around, but for me, my happiness is my family, not by any means the way I physically look. Not that I think it is wrong, to each his own, it has just never been for me. With that, this year I am going on a quest (yes like Zelda) but more of a mental quest to find myself. I don’t mean my sexual or spiritual orientation, or my once thinner self (yea right), but me. The Heather that I used to love for the most part. The Heather that set out to make the world smile. The peace, love and happiness Heather. The brave Heather that doesn’t take crap from anyone, especially herself. The Heather that enjoyed writing almost on a daily basis, maybe even the Heather that wants to be a stand-up comedian, who knows. My point is, that it has been apparent to me over the past few months that she went missing. I thought I could just move forward and not look back, but it has not felt right. I don’t know when it happened or how, I just know I would like her back now. She was never afraid to cry when she got sad, or scream when she saw red, and above all, she never took anything too seriously. I just know it is terribly hard to put make-up on in the morning, when I just don’t like who I see looking back at me. So, with that, 2014 is going to be the year I find myself and never let her go again. I never thought it would be possible that I would lose myself, but sadly it did happen. I will spend the next year picking up my broken pieces and fixing things back to the way they should be, not the way that is comfortable or easy. PEACE N LOVE! Thanks for reading.