So, I recently turned 31 which for some reason seems harder to me than 30 did and I am not sure why. Maybe it is because my son is about to start KINDERGARTEN, or maybe it is just because it is one year older than last year, who knows. This year my birthday felt special in a different way. I wanted to cry alot and I felt very emotional during my weekend in Florida. I just watched Mason run along the beach without a care in the world and paid attention to every single detail of that weekend. I feel very lucky that I was able to make the trip on my own. Me and my little boy had some alone time in the car, that I will remember forever!
Perhaps this year felt special to me because for the first time in many years, I spent my birthday with my baby sister. She has been missing from my life all too long and I was very worried about her coming back into it. I have worked very hard at trying to distance myself from other people's lives so that I don't get too emotionally involved in something that I have no business being a part of and so far, I have been pretty successful at it. Until, my sister is involved (either one) that is when I find myself struggling to stay in my own realm. I have blogged about my need to care for everyone before, so I won't bore you with it again. Side note: I still haven't finished that damn book! But when I feel weak, I do take it out and begin where I left off and to me that does help ALOT.
I expected so much when seeing her. First and foremost I expected her to be some totally changed thug-like woman and she wasn't. Aside from some new vocabulary she had taken on, she was the same girl I missed, attitude and all. I stayed with her all weekend, taking her out to dinner, walking on the beach and even putting some loud ass make-up on my face (sorry). I enjoyed every minute of it, but when the time came for me to say goodbye I was worried with that same kind of worried I had years ago. I was just worried as I always am about my sisters and I had to tell myself that she can handle it, she has to and it isn't my place to try and handle it for her.
She finally got to visit with her babies this weekend and just hearing the happiness in her voice made me feel like that is what she needed to seal her deal of “Starting Anew” and to stay on the right track. She is with them where she belongs, even if it is just for a visit for now. She knows what she has to do to make it 100%. I have received so many texts from her and each one ends with "love you so much" and I believe her. Finally I took a breath and I feel like things just might be okay for a while, for once.
In closing for today, even though now that I have both my sisters in my life again, my stress and nerve level may go up, I feel like they are BOTH changing into the women that they deserve to be and their kids need them to be and perhaps I can finally let them fly from their "mama" sister nest and I won't have to worry much anymore (like that will stop me).
I love you both very much....
Peace, Love and Family (not matter how crazy it may be)
No comments:
Post a Comment